So today was a great day. It was a day to just relax at home with the one's I love most. Got up this morning did some cleaning and then hung out with my baby boy. After lunch and after his speech appt we went to take a nap. Then after we got up I fixed supper. We just had a wonderful day relaxing and having fun with my boys. Ricky and Benjamin. I love them with all my heart and I don't think I could ask for more.
So with this long weekend I am def not going to want to return to work on Monday. :( But oh well I guess work is something that we have to do in this world. I think that once Monday is over with I will be fine. It always gets easier at work after Monday's. :)
Anyways I am excited to go to a girls day tomorrow. Ricky's mom, Mrs. Tricia has invited me out to her house for a premier jewerly party tomorrow. I am kinda excited about it because I have never been to a premier jewerly party and plus its all girls. :) Going to be super nervous since I don't know any of these people that is going to be there. LOL. I am a rather nervous person around new people I don't know. I sure hope Marissa is going to be there since she will probably be the only person my age. haha.
Anyway I have had a very busy weekend. I have basicly been on the move all weekend. UGH. I was hoping that I would have some down time to relax but when you are a mommy and a wife to be there is alot going on. I think that it would be easier if I could just get away for one day and do girly things like my nails, toes, and shopping. :)
Hoping that I have some money saved for us to get cable turned back on. :) So tired of DVD's! ha.
Hope everyone had a great St. Patricks Day. I sure hope that everyone had a safe but fun weekend. :)
Work is good so far.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Oh me Oh my.
So its been a few days since I left a blog. :( I was trying to keep this up everyday but I guess I just been busy. Life is good right now. I am thankful for my family, my home, my car and everything that god has blessed me with. So Sunday Ricky Benjamin and I went to church. It was a great service and I enjoyed it. I think that the message was one I needed to hear. He preached about entrapment. Meaning that the devil tries to trap you and pull you into his ways. The devil likes it when you are not close by god.
I have learned that I need to let things go and let god take care of them. Not a easy task for me but it does help when you know that god will NEVER forsake you and never leave you. Long as you believe and walk with him daily he is always near by. The preacher sunday also said something about the end of the world. This subject scares me to death (almost). I know that I shouldn't be scared but I am. I want to live with my maker one day and become one of his angels but I am just a little nervous I guess. I don't know why.
I think life is good right now. I am getting back into church and loving god the way I should. Since I have started trying to live right and become one of gods kids things has been looking up. I just got a email yesterday that I was approved for a hardship grant from my school. Yes I applied for this over 4 months ago. They are giving me 300 dollars towards a bill for me to pay so I can have and can keep going to school. This is going to help out big time because god knows that we have lots of bills right now.
God is going to care and keep a watch out for his kids. He loves us all and died for our sins. Just a little message to those who don't think there is a god. How would you feel if you lived your life as if there was no jesus or god and then came to find out that when he did come bak there was one? I think I would rather live like there was a god and find out there isn't one then to live like there isn't one and find out that there is. Its just something to think about. I have said this before and I will say it again because I like this saying. "don't play chicken with the one that made them". Good quote.
School is going okay at this point. I have finally ALMOST brought my grade up in science and my medical office class is great. I am hoping to pass my science class because I haven't failed a class since I started and I don't wanna start failing now. LOL. I will post more blogs soon.
I have learned that I need to let things go and let god take care of them. Not a easy task for me but it does help when you know that god will NEVER forsake you and never leave you. Long as you believe and walk with him daily he is always near by. The preacher sunday also said something about the end of the world. This subject scares me to death (almost). I know that I shouldn't be scared but I am. I want to live with my maker one day and become one of his angels but I am just a little nervous I guess. I don't know why.
I think life is good right now. I am getting back into church and loving god the way I should. Since I have started trying to live right and become one of gods kids things has been looking up. I just got a email yesterday that I was approved for a hardship grant from my school. Yes I applied for this over 4 months ago. They are giving me 300 dollars towards a bill for me to pay so I can have and can keep going to school. This is going to help out big time because god knows that we have lots of bills right now.
God is going to care and keep a watch out for his kids. He loves us all and died for our sins. Just a little message to those who don't think there is a god. How would you feel if you lived your life as if there was no jesus or god and then came to find out that when he did come bak there was one? I think I would rather live like there was a god and find out there isn't one then to live like there isn't one and find out that there is. Its just something to think about. I have said this before and I will say it again because I like this saying. "don't play chicken with the one that made them". Good quote.
School is going okay at this point. I have finally ALMOST brought my grade up in science and my medical office class is great. I am hoping to pass my science class because I haven't failed a class since I started and I don't wanna start failing now. LOL. I will post more blogs soon.
Friday, March 11, 2011
God is full of blessings..
So I have decided that its time for me to go back to the way I was raised. My aunt taught me values and that God comes first. To be honest with you and myself I haven't been putting god first the last few years. I however know that is wrong and that I shouldn't live that way but I am ready to change for the best. My son needs to learn about Jesus. As I was growing up I always said that I was going to let my kids grow up in church just as I did. So far I haven't stuck with that. I feel really bad because I know Antie would have wanted me too.
I just want to make God, myself and my family happy with the choices I make in life. So far I think I have made some pretty good choices. I am currently trying to finish school and get a degree so that I can get a good job. I want Benjamin to look up to me and say I am proud of my mommy. I don't want to raise him and then later on he hate me. The only reason I say that is because of the way I feel about my mom.
My mom wasn't there when she needed to be. She was not worried about her kids and she should have been. Because of my mom my sister doesn't want anything to do with me or the family. I kinda feel bad because I love my sister with all my heart. I won't mention her name because I want to respect her as a person. I will say however the choices my mom made effected my life and her life.
I don't want Benjamin to look back and have the same feelings about me as I do my mom. Antie told me that momma wasn't around cuz she was busy but as I growed I learned that Antie was just trying to protect my feelings. Resentment is a huge thing in my life. I resent my mom for leaving me and not doing what a mother is suppose to do. I resent that she choose her boyfriends over me. I mean come on she birthed me why can't she choose me? It was and still is her choice.
I thought that Momma was finally straighted up until August of 2008 when we both moved back to GA from FL. She was good for a while but quickly slipped back into her old ways. I really hated being around her when she was drunk. I also didn't wany MY son growing up with someone always drinking around him, so i left her. She was pretty mad for a while. She came to my job raising heck and even called me a sorry B. Yep that is my mom for ya. She thinks that she is the only one that can leave.
But I left her house and started my own life. I have done great for Benjamin. He has stuff he never would have had if I would have stayed. Don't get me wrong I love my mom for giving birth to me but that is all she has ever done for me. She doesn't care about anyone but her. Its a shame because she has 3 kids. Myself and my sister have huge resentments towards her. I don't know if Keith does or don't but I do know that she has lost her kids.
My blessing is that god sees what you need and gives it to you when the time is right. He loves his children and will provide for him. You have to trust that god knows best. If you don't trust him then more than likely he will no provide until he knows that you have trust. I love god and I love church. When I was growing up I never missed a sunday morning, night or wednesday night church service. I will again become that way. I have to trust that god knows best. He is always here. I have come to realize that he will not give you to much to handle. He tests us! He knows what we can handle.
Quote of the day: "To blessed to be stressed"
I saw this on a church sign the other day and it really meant something to me. Church signs has been talkin to me lately. God is really trying hard to make me see I need church and him. I know that.
Anyways I seen this:
"Don't play chicken with the one who made them"
Pretty powerful saying! Think about it!
I just want to make God, myself and my family happy with the choices I make in life. So far I think I have made some pretty good choices. I am currently trying to finish school and get a degree so that I can get a good job. I want Benjamin to look up to me and say I am proud of my mommy. I don't want to raise him and then later on he hate me. The only reason I say that is because of the way I feel about my mom.
My mom wasn't there when she needed to be. She was not worried about her kids and she should have been. Because of my mom my sister doesn't want anything to do with me or the family. I kinda feel bad because I love my sister with all my heart. I won't mention her name because I want to respect her as a person. I will say however the choices my mom made effected my life and her life.
I don't want Benjamin to look back and have the same feelings about me as I do my mom. Antie told me that momma wasn't around cuz she was busy but as I growed I learned that Antie was just trying to protect my feelings. Resentment is a huge thing in my life. I resent my mom for leaving me and not doing what a mother is suppose to do. I resent that she choose her boyfriends over me. I mean come on she birthed me why can't she choose me? It was and still is her choice.
I thought that Momma was finally straighted up until August of 2008 when we both moved back to GA from FL. She was good for a while but quickly slipped back into her old ways. I really hated being around her when she was drunk. I also didn't wany MY son growing up with someone always drinking around him, so i left her. She was pretty mad for a while. She came to my job raising heck and even called me a sorry B. Yep that is my mom for ya. She thinks that she is the only one that can leave.
But I left her house and started my own life. I have done great for Benjamin. He has stuff he never would have had if I would have stayed. Don't get me wrong I love my mom for giving birth to me but that is all she has ever done for me. She doesn't care about anyone but her. Its a shame because she has 3 kids. Myself and my sister have huge resentments towards her. I don't know if Keith does or don't but I do know that she has lost her kids.
My blessing is that god sees what you need and gives it to you when the time is right. He loves his children and will provide for him. You have to trust that god knows best. If you don't trust him then more than likely he will no provide until he knows that you have trust. I love god and I love church. When I was growing up I never missed a sunday morning, night or wednesday night church service. I will again become that way. I have to trust that god knows best. He is always here. I have come to realize that he will not give you to much to handle. He tests us! He knows what we can handle.
Quote of the day: "To blessed to be stressed"
I saw this on a church sign the other day and it really meant something to me. Church signs has been talkin to me lately. God is really trying hard to make me see I need church and him. I know that.
Anyways I seen this:
"Don't play chicken with the one who made them"
Pretty powerful saying! Think about it!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Praise the lord..
So I have been told my whole life that god provides for his children and knows what is best. Since I have became a adult I believe that more and more. For the past year Ricky Benjamin and I have struggled with bills, jobs, cars, life and so much more. Without help from Uncle Rocky (Ricky's uncle) and Mrs. Trisha (Ricky's mom) we wouldn't have made it this far. I just don't know how to repay them for what they done for us. To me words just isn't enough to say thank you.
Mrs. Trisha has helped us so much and I just really want to thank her for what she has done. I love her so much already and Ricky and I aren't even married. You kno Antie (My great Aunt who raised me) always prayed and told me that she wanted me to find a man that I love and that's mom is going to like me. I guess god answered her prayers. Thanks! She always told me that the mother of the man I marry is always going to be a big part of my life. I guess I never realized how much til I found Ricky. Ricky and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months. We plan on getting married real soon and starting a family and life together.
Benjamin is happy with Ricky and that is all that matters. If my son is happy then I am happy. As for me I couldn't ask for a better person to spend the rest of my life with. Ricky does alot for me and I don't think that I tell him thank you enough for what he does. He is great with Benjamin. He stepped in and became a father to Benjamin when Jason wouldn't. As for Jason he isn't completely out of Benjamin's life. He pays child support so I am waiting for the day he wants to be a dad. I will tell him not to even bother because Benjamin doesn't need him. Okay so some might think that I am being mean and hateful when in reality I am not.
Jason was and is a alcoholic and druggie. When I was with him and I was pregnant he wouldn't feed me or nothing. He bought beer for him and his mom and drugs for him before bills was paid and before food was bought. I told him time after time that I needed to eat. But did he care NOPE. So the way I see it is he wasn't a father when Benjamin was little so he isn't going to be one later on. I am not a cruel person and anyone can tell you that but Jason just isn't worth Benjamin knowing.
My life is complete. I am happy and so is Benjamin.. We love our little family and we wouldn't trade it for the world. I am content! :)
Mrs. Trisha has helped us so much and I just really want to thank her for what she has done. I love her so much already and Ricky and I aren't even married. You kno Antie (My great Aunt who raised me) always prayed and told me that she wanted me to find a man that I love and that's mom is going to like me. I guess god answered her prayers. Thanks! She always told me that the mother of the man I marry is always going to be a big part of my life. I guess I never realized how much til I found Ricky. Ricky and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months. We plan on getting married real soon and starting a family and life together.
Benjamin is happy with Ricky and that is all that matters. If my son is happy then I am happy. As for me I couldn't ask for a better person to spend the rest of my life with. Ricky does alot for me and I don't think that I tell him thank you enough for what he does. He is great with Benjamin. He stepped in and became a father to Benjamin when Jason wouldn't. As for Jason he isn't completely out of Benjamin's life. He pays child support so I am waiting for the day he wants to be a dad. I will tell him not to even bother because Benjamin doesn't need him. Okay so some might think that I am being mean and hateful when in reality I am not.
Jason was and is a alcoholic and druggie. When I was with him and I was pregnant he wouldn't feed me or nothing. He bought beer for him and his mom and drugs for him before bills was paid and before food was bought. I told him time after time that I needed to eat. But did he care NOPE. So the way I see it is he wasn't a father when Benjamin was little so he isn't going to be one later on. I am not a cruel person and anyone can tell you that but Jason just isn't worth Benjamin knowing.
My life is complete. I am happy and so is Benjamin.. We love our little family and we wouldn't trade it for the world. I am content! :)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I Love The Small Things!
I love the smal things in life. The ones that would mean anything to someone else. Today when I come home Benjamin's face lite up like a Christmas Tree. Just as everyday. LOL. But he didn't hug me like normally. So I came in sat on the couch and said "Benjamin?" So he looked at me. I said " You didn't give Momma a hug". He said "Oh" Then came running full speed and said "Sorwee" "Sorwee" I said its okay baby you don't have to be sorry. His little face went from smiling to laughing. It was the sweetest most precious thing I had seen all day long. I love my litte Benny Boo Boo Head. :)
He is growing up way to fast. I can't believe that in 2 months he will be 3. Um time is going by WAY to fast for me. I wish I had a pause button for him growing up. Its giving me baby fever lol. I love that he is growing up and is so smart but I miss the little 6lbs 13oz baby boy that he was. That was the times when I could keep him still lol. Now I have to chase him around for everything.
I wish that Antie (My great aunt who raised me) was here. She would have loved Benjamin to death. That would have been her heart. And I kno I wouldn't have been able to touch him at all. She would have defended him on any and everything. But she would have loved him to death. Antie had a passion for kids. She loved everything about kids. She wasn't able to have any kids of her own but she raised my mom and my uncle then turned around and raised my brother and me. So that was God's way of giving her 4 kids. Two boys and two girls. She loved us with all her heart and did what she thought was best.
I kno that as a teen I used to get mad at her alot but I kinda understand why she did what she did. April 20th marks the 7th year without her. I must agree it's been a hard 7 years. I think about Antie all the time. I even talk about her from time to time. I miss her dearly. She died just a month before I graduated high school. It was because of her that I finished school. If Antie wouldn't have pushed me to stay in school and to continue on getting my education I would have dropped out my 9th grade year. NO LIE. I never got to thank Antie for all she done. But I do it now all the time. She made me the person I am today.
I wish she could have just stayed a little longer here on earth but I kno God has his reasons for taking her. He needed a new angel. I kno that she looking down from heaven right now and smiling. Some of my decisions along the way might have made her a little annoyed but I finally got myself on track. I think she would be happy for me. I am going to college and making something of myself just like she always asked me to do. I think she would love who I have become.
He is growing up way to fast. I can't believe that in 2 months he will be 3. Um time is going by WAY to fast for me. I wish I had a pause button for him growing up. Its giving me baby fever lol. I love that he is growing up and is so smart but I miss the little 6lbs 13oz baby boy that he was. That was the times when I could keep him still lol. Now I have to chase him around for everything.
I wish that Antie (My great aunt who raised me) was here. She would have loved Benjamin to death. That would have been her heart. And I kno I wouldn't have been able to touch him at all. She would have defended him on any and everything. But she would have loved him to death. Antie had a passion for kids. She loved everything about kids. She wasn't able to have any kids of her own but she raised my mom and my uncle then turned around and raised my brother and me. So that was God's way of giving her 4 kids. Two boys and two girls. She loved us with all her heart and did what she thought was best.
I kno that as a teen I used to get mad at her alot but I kinda understand why she did what she did. April 20th marks the 7th year without her. I must agree it's been a hard 7 years. I think about Antie all the time. I even talk about her from time to time. I miss her dearly. She died just a month before I graduated high school. It was because of her that I finished school. If Antie wouldn't have pushed me to stay in school and to continue on getting my education I would have dropped out my 9th grade year. NO LIE. I never got to thank Antie for all she done. But I do it now all the time. She made me the person I am today.
I wish she could have just stayed a little longer here on earth but I kno God has his reasons for taking her. He needed a new angel. I kno that she looking down from heaven right now and smiling. Some of my decisions along the way might have made her a little annoyed but I finally got myself on track. I think she would be happy for me. I am going to college and making something of myself just like she always asked me to do. I think she would love who I have become.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Today was good.....
So I been working now for two days. I actually love this job. I think its because I work by myself and don't have no one standing over me saying do this and do that. I hate that crap. Benjamin is so funny when I come in from work. He acts as if I have been gone for a million years, Lol. He is so funny. And I love him to death... :) Life right now is going okay thanks to the man upstairs. We got to give all the praise to him. If it wasn't for him we wouldn't have nothing.
As for my college life right now. Um it's okay. I am actually failing one class. I haven't failed a class since I been in college. Science isn't my best subject anyways. I always hated science and dreaded taking it. Ugh. I am really trying in this class but I swear the teacher has it out for me or something. Just about everything I turn in he puts a F or D on. I am sitting here wondering what the hell is really going on? But I guess in college you get them butt hole professors sometimes, Lol.
Bills suck right now but hey who likes bills? Um no one that I know of anyways lol. I can't wait to finish college and have a good paying job so that I can afford things that are nice. I really want a nice car. You know not a 2011 or nothing but something a little newer than a 1992, Lol.
I can't wait to have this job so that I can do what I want. Ricky is currently looking for a good job but as you all know that jobs are hard to come by these days. Everything is expensive. Have you seen gas prices?! I was like what the heck?, when I first seen $3.25. Now gas prices are up to $3.46. Jeeze what is this world coming too?! Anyways I was just throwing out some of the things in my head and all. Thanks for reading and I sure hope you enjoyed. Leave me comments. I love comments!!!
As for my college life right now. Um it's okay. I am actually failing one class. I haven't failed a class since I been in college. Science isn't my best subject anyways. I always hated science and dreaded taking it. Ugh. I am really trying in this class but I swear the teacher has it out for me or something. Just about everything I turn in he puts a F or D on. I am sitting here wondering what the hell is really going on? But I guess in college you get them butt hole professors sometimes, Lol.
Bills suck right now but hey who likes bills? Um no one that I know of anyways lol. I can't wait to finish college and have a good paying job so that I can afford things that are nice. I really want a nice car. You know not a 2011 or nothing but something a little newer than a 1992, Lol.
I can't wait to have this job so that I can do what I want. Ricky is currently looking for a good job but as you all know that jobs are hard to come by these days. Everything is expensive. Have you seen gas prices?! I was like what the heck?, when I first seen $3.25. Now gas prices are up to $3.46. Jeeze what is this world coming too?! Anyways I was just throwing out some of the things in my head and all. Thanks for reading and I sure hope you enjoyed. Leave me comments. I love comments!!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
WOW!!!
Hello, I just started this blog. I am happy to have one. I like writing my life down. So my life right now is going pretty good. I don't think I could be happier right now. Just found out that after 2 weeks of being off work that I get to go back but to a different school. I can't tell you how excited I am for this. For those of you who don't know I walked out of my job on Feb, 14th because of something that happened to me. I will not go into detail about what happened but I will say it was total BS. But I am content with my choice. I went into a depression about it for about a week or so but I am content. I think that I made the right choice because no one should have to be put throught what I was going through. Anyways just want to say that I am happy to actually be back working now. I love it. Now just if we can find Ricky a job. LOL. He is looking but its so hard out there these days. I am going to close for now but I will blog alot more about my life and my world, my thoughts and feelings and etc. Come read and enjoy.
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